Realization

Have you ever felt like you knew someone completely, only to find out that person isn’t who you thought they were?

That recently happened to me.

Someone I thought I’d be friends with till the end of time.

Ended up not quite being the person I thought they were.

Sometimes in friendships, you go through a rough patch, just like you would in a relationship of any sort.

But once someone takes advantage of your trust, it’s really hard to get that back.

It’s so difficult to get over that, nearly impossible.

I mean, you probably still have a great big place in your heart for that person, but once you realize you can’t tell them everything you thought you could because just as easily they will throw you under the bus.

Something private for you, will be something they can just share easily with others.

Meanwhile the bad things they do, they expect you to keep a secret. Not expose them.

It is such a shame to find out that people nowadays can’t be trusted.

A true friend is hard to find, if you find one keep them close.

But remember that just as easily this person could end up letting you down.

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The Spark

What is the spark that everyone so strongly desires? The thing you hear about in movies and hope and pray for for yourself…

When you find yourself constantly searching for the one, what is it that you’re really looking for?

Is it the acceptance behind finding someone who truly accepts you for all your faults, your imperfections.

Perhaps it’s that immediate connection you feel, which honestly you can end up having with several people in your lifetime.

Most often what people look for is that spark. That feeling of finding your person.

But the spark isn’t always right, sometimes your judgement on the spark can be wrong, terribly wrong.

You can feel that this is your forever person because you’ve found your spark, but truthfully this person is just your for now person.

In today’s dating world, people often feel like they feel that spark, that connection on a deeper level often. So often that some would question if the spark even exists anymore.

After all, how many times can you truly fall in love without just being the person who moves on too quick and doesn’t know love at all.

Sometimes you find yourself going on dates with someone over and over because that person is nice, but you know deep down that person isn’t right for you.

There is no connection, no spark. There are no nervous butterflies when you see him, that feeling of missing someone so deeply isn’t there.

Try as you might, the spark doesn’t come. Perhaps the person isn’t right for you, even if they are a good person.

Or perhaps too much thought and emphasis is put on this so called spark we all long for.

Which eventually leads to being alone due to not finding the spark….

Lost

The hardest thing in life when you’re dating and alone is to make sure you don’t end up with someone who is lost. 

Being with someone lost is worse than being alone. Let me tell you why, half the time that other person isn’t available. 

Perhaps, physically they are. But mentally and emotionally, they won’t be. They will just be a physical space, a body of mass. 

It’s never fun being with someone lost. 

One who’s lost can’t give you what you truly need. They themselves don’t know who they are, what they want, or where they’re going. 

So oftentimes being with someone lost, makes you go astray from your plans, your ambitions. 

Surrounding yourself with like-minded people truly is your best bet. Not just in dating, but in friendships, and even with family members. If you have a family member who is always putting you down or thinks you should do something that doesn’t feel right to you or isn’t in your line of dreams, don’t do it. 

I dated a guy who was lost before.

Lost in every way. 

He thought he wanted to be with me, but he really didn’t. 

He just wanted a change of scenery, a change of pace in his life. 

I was the golden ticket.

The opportunity to run away from his demons and start anew. 

That’s what he did, he used me to try and escape his past. Thinking that being with me would solve his problems. 

But a person can’t solve your problems for you, try as they might (let me tell you, I really tried). 

The only way to change your patterns of behavior and become someone else is to consciously make that choice everyday. Only you can change you and your life and whatever it is you don’t like in it. 

A lost person will try and drag you down at whatever cost, and this is so draining on the other person in the relationship. You’re not happy because the lost person isn’t happy, so you try and change to fit their needs, when really the one who should be changing is the one who’s lost. 

A lost person will weigh you down and make you feel like you are often the one doing something wrong since they will never be happy because they don’t know what it is they are doing that is causing them to be so unhappy with their lives. 

Believe me, it’s not you. It’s them. 

So the next time someone lost approaches you, turn the other way.

Literally, get up and walk away. 

Don’t try and change anyone but yourself, because that is the only person you are responsible for and the only person you can control. 

Leave the lost to continue to roam around lost, it isn’t your responsibility to fix these people and much less date them. 

Relationships with a lost individual will go nowhere quick. 

I know it’s hard to leave someone who’s lost. It’s even harder than leaving a stable person. You feel as if you’re somewhat responsible for helping them. 

You’re not. 

Once you leave and time has passed, you’ll see everything for what it truly was. 

A waste of time with a person who isn’t even worth your breath. 

Much less your time. 

I know it sounds harsh, but once that lost being is out of your life, your quality of life will improve drastically and you’ll live a much happier/worry less life.  

After all, you’ll no longer have to babysit an adult and that in itself is wonderful news! 

Dating in 2019

So I decided to start writing about dating in this new year. 

I’ll have several posts in this category because I have a lot to say about dating in this time and age…

Unfortunately most of the stuff I’ve experienced has been quite bad. 

But all in all, I think this can be helpful to others. 

My experiences will be used to help you guys have better luck in your dating lives and not make the same mistakes I’ve made!! 

So, you’re welcome!! 🙂 

At this point I would call myself a seasoned dater, as I’ve dated all sorts of men and have been at the drawing board since I was about 16, maybe we’ll count it as 17 since my first relationship only lasted 1 week. 

No point in counting that boy. 

Most of my relationships have been long, so it’s the points in between the relationships that I really want to talk about. 

The points when I was single and often resorted to dating apps in my later life, in order to escape the loneliness. 

Attention: Some of these posts will end up being pretty raw!!

I never thought I’d be THAT girl. 

The one who was 28 years old and still single. 

The one who wasted several years on losers, bad boyfriends, unhealthy relationships, dating app fails. 

But here I am. 

So here goes…dating in 2019 is, what’s the word I’m looking for here…DIFFICULT 

There are a lot of secret codes in today’s dating world…don’t call or text the guy after a first date. If you don’t hear from him, he’s not interested. Don’t kiss a guy on a first date, if you do you’re a slut. If you don’t sleep with a guy, you’re a prude. 

I can go on and on…

The truth is it’s hard to figure out what you should do when dating someone. What’s considered socially acceptable. The norm. 

You don’t want to be a slut, but you don’t want to be made fun of for being a prude. 

Well good news ladies! Do whatever it is that makes you feel like you are living the way you should be living and NEVER EVER drop your morals or values to keep a guy! 

NEVER!!!!

If he ever tries to make you do something you don’t want to do or aren’t ready to do, drop him, because that my friend is a guy who will only end up using you to fulfill his needs and will then drop you eventually. 

It all ends the same.

All guys aren’t bad. It’s just hard to find a good guy who is sincere through all the same bullshit guys will tell you to get in your pants. 

Been there, done that.

Guys use the same stupid lines repeatedly as if they don’t have a brain to come up with something original. 

“I’ve never met anyone like you,” “This time it feels different,” “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you,” “It just feels right,” “I would die without you.” 

See the problem is when you’ve heard these lines enough, as I have, they lose their value. 

Which is good, because at that point you are no longer wearing the blindfold that shields you from douchebags. 

Now I’m not saying if you’re guy is great and tells you these lines, he’s just trying to use you. He might genuinely believe he feels this way about you.

Just be cautious, because guys use these lines as much as they change their socks. 

***In the next post in this series, I’ll talk about the first time I ventured into the dating app world!

Thoughts on 2018

This year a lot of things have happened. 

Some good, some bad.

Beginning at the start of 2018…

January 2018-I started the holidays the same way I ended them. Alone. 

However at the beginning of 2018 I had a boyfriend. He was just living in a different country. So it often felt like I was single even though I wasn’t. 

By February, my relationship was at it’s breaking point. Specifically on Valentines day was when I realized just how little I meant. We hadn’t spoken in a few days and I didn’t get a Happy Valentines text or call. It was forgotten, it was like I was single. 

In March, I ended things. No point in carrying on this stupid thing we called a relationship. 

It wasn’t one. 

It was everything wrong with a romantic relationship. The what you don’t wants when it comes to a significant other. 

Things were much easier the next couple months. 

I wasn’t constantly wondering what he was doing because he wasn’t my problem anymore. 

At the end of the day, that’s what he’d become. A nuisance in my life. 

One I couldn’t count on and one I couldn’t trust. No delight, just a problem. 

Harsh, I know. But read previous posts about the addict in my life. That was him. 

I could finally save money and enjoy being single and that’s exactly what I did. 

In August, I took myself to the Bahamas. 

One of the best trips I’ve ever had!

In December, I went to Colorado. This was one of the worst trips of my life. 

If not, the worse. 

People aren’t always who you think they are. Just because you would do something for someone does not mean they would return the favor. 

I learned this this year. 

Don’t be so trusting. 

A lot of times people who say they would die for you are literally the people who will be the first to kick you to the curb. 

Just like Peter with Jesus. 

I learned some valuable lessons this year and I met some wonderful new additions to my life. 

I also had to distance myself from certain people to ensure my safety and that I won’t be taken advantage of. 

I ended my year how it began, alone.

But happier than I was in a relationship. 

**Pictures of Bahamas and Colorado are on my Instagram: @jessiemf815

 

Bahamas

I went on a trip of a lifetime!

I went to the Bahamas with my aunt, who is more like a sister because of the closeness in age and one of her friends came along.

It was so much fun!

The first day we got there, we of course did one of the most important things you do when you go to a different country…EAT!

Then we proceeded to try out the beach, which was one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen!!

The water is a turquoise blue color. It is so pretty and clean. I hadn’t seen water like this since my last trip to Mexico.

We drank a lot during this trip, tried out so many different foods, saw several oceans!

We even went out dancing at night!

I was sick for most of the trip, with a fever.

But did I let that stop me from doing everything the other 2 did for those 7 days!?!

Hell no!!!!

Bahamas is definitely a beautiful place I recommend for others to see!!!

Follow my ig @jessiemf815 for more pics! 😊

Good stuff is coming!

I haven’t done a post in quite some time…

I’ve been doing things, and more things.

I’ve taken a couple trips, which I will definitely blog about.

I’ve gone on several dates, met a guy I really clicked with and then it ended.

I’ve gotten a second and third job, still kept the first one.

I’ve gotten really close to certain friends.

I have another vacation coming in 8 days!

I started a new second Instagram account @jessiemf815makeup for different makeup looks, but predominantly Halloween looks. This of course was started due to my love of Halloween!

It’s small as I only have a few posts and just started it, but I love my baby page nonetheless!